Yesterday marked SIXTEEN years of Terri Gillis Photography. I love celebrating this anniversary of the day I took a leap of faith.  I had a toddler on my hip as I walked accross the Calder Stage area  to the county building to register my business with a skip in my step and a dream in my heart.  To everyone else it’s just an ordinary day but that day put me on a journey I couldn’t have every even dreamed of.  I am such a sentimental person so celebrating this anniversary, even if it’s only me celebrating, is not something I overlook or take lightly.

These 16 years have required A LOT of learning and exploring and just good old-fashioned work.  Snapping pictures is fun but this is a business and for it to be successful it required me to invest my heart and soul.  The return on that has been so much more than a paycheck.  I’ve traveled near and far and had the opportunity to learn from some absolutely amazing photographers including Michelle Celentano, Jasmine Star, Susan Stripling, Laura Brett and my absolute favorite…. Anne Geddes.  I’ve been to Hawaii (HAWAII!!!! If I didn’t have the images to prove it I wouldn’t beleive it myself!).  I’ve witnessed births and the miracle of that first breath…… I’ve also had the opportunity to photograph some people who knew it would be their last photos ever and would pass on shortly thereafter and the joy that would come with having those photos.  I’ve watched kids grow up, I’ve photographed over 300 (THREE HUNDRED!!) weddings.  Those weddings have become the foundation of my business as I’ve gone on to photograph many famlies as they’ve grown. ( It’s amazing!!)  I’ve learned so much about computers & graphic design and it has really become a huge love of mine.  I never learned to speak another launguage but I’m fluent in Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator and THAT is something.  I’ve cut back significantly on weddings.  I still take them, I just don’t push for them.  After working weekends all summer long for 15 years I felt like I was ready to step back from that.  I love having summer weekends off with my husband. To fill in that gap I take a lot of design work now and I really REALLY enjoy it.  Designing cards, books, albums has always been part of my routine but in the last year I’ve added logos, invitaiton, a little bit of web design, marketing materials….. and I even do a little bit of business consulting and have helped a few people launch their own businesses!

So after 16 years, I can tell you this…. I am so grateful for every single opportunity that has been put in front of me. For every face that has graced my camera and my life.  Grateful for every session, wedding, child, project that I have been entrusted with.  Grateful for every mile I’ve driven, every click of my shutter, every day that I’ve had to throw a camera bag or a briefcase over my shoulder and head out the door.  It has been an amazing journey and I’m thankful to call it mine.

For the free download of my design above just click HERE!  ENJOY!!

CHEERS TO A SWEET 16 YEARS!

I wrestle with the fact (almost daily) that I haven’t blogged for over a year. Why haven’t I you ask? So many reasons…. mainly, I think I’m the only one who ever reads it. I was also a little burned out. Burned out on the hustle of photography, burned out from the schedule, exhausted from working and I needed a break from anything I could get one from, so the blog was the first to go….. and then it was the photography. I needed to put some space in there to see what it was that kept me working this job that seemed to be taking me down. Being a photographer became my identity… and without a camera hanging around my neck I felt a little lost…. and a little empty. When you realize people only are calling or reaching out to me, sometimes inviting me to things…. because they need a photographer. And my social calendar, without a camera, is nearly non-existant. I had a deep desire to change this but terrified that if I stepped away from it, it would be the equivalent of stepping out of my soul. Truly terrifying. And what if this really was all there was to me? But I had to do it….. and I did. After a 7 month hiatus with only limited contact with my equipment, some serious soul searching and “weeding” things out of my life,  14 months later I feel so differently about everything. Having an opportunity to step back and regain my perspective. It hasn’t been easy and the most difficult part is to be careful not to fall back into old habits. I love this job, and the amazing blessing it has been in my life, but I love having an identity… and not just a job.  For the first time in 10 years we took a summer vacation. I also attended a wedding as a guest (and realized how difficult it was for me to enjoy a wedding without photographing it) I was the equivalent of a fish out of water. My Mom is battling cancer and that has sort of rocked our world and it was another thing that gave me permission to step back a little and not take on the same hefty workload that I might otherwise have. I also had an opportunity dropped in my lap to do graphic design with the flexibility to work at home or in the office and never dreamed how much I would truly enjoy the comraderie of co-workers.

Where is she going with this?? Success doesn’t just come in the form of your paycheck. It comes with anything you want it to. Some days success is getting in the shower before my kids go to school, or getting through my to-do list, actually having a phone call with a friend and not just a series of texts. It’s time with my husband and kids, chatting at the kitchen table with my Mom, completing a project for a client, photographing an awesome newborn session or trying a new recipe and actually having it work out (thank you Pinterest for the pressure!). Whatever hat I’m wearing at the moment…. Wife, Mom, daughter, aunt, friend, seamstress, photographer, designer, chef, makeup artist, maid, baby whisperer my goal is and will be to simply seize the day and enjoy moments that I just am completely unwilling to miss out on….. Carpe Diem!

This is just a small splash of some of the sessions I’ve done in the last year that just made my heart sing.   My family that I love to care for, my husband who I simply could not adore more than I already do, some new clients and some old one’s…. Some of these faces I look at and am overwhelmed by the miracle staring back at me.  Selecting after a year of not posting was painful…. I would love to post one from every single session time and energy are a precious commodity…. and  I have to go make dinner now and an evening with my crew awaits. Happy Leap Day!  DAY it forward!!  I hope you WIN! XO!

Seriously… texting during our session…. “They’re waiting for me to respond!!”

This one belongs to me.  He’s our second child, #2 out of 4, one of three brothers.  He was born 5 days early and I’ve joked ever since that he has two speeds, fast & faster.  He walked at 10 months, climbed out of his crib at 18 months; moved into the bottom bunk shortly after that. Ever since he could verbalize what a grown up was he has wanted to be one.  He is a born protector, wildly curious, he’s adventurous, he’s hilarious, he’s strong, courageous and brave.  He’s wanted to be a police officer since he was three.  He has a strong sense of justice and is intolerant of things that fall into the “wrong” cateogory.  He’s as loyal as they come.  He loves baby animals (bunnies, chicks, kittens, puppies… you name it).  He doesn’t care what people think of him. He works really hard… at everything.It’s not always easy but he always comes through.  And we are on the threshold of launching another kid into “life”.

I just have to note that my kids have just about ZERO respect for me as a photographer, although they have been pretty proud of the photos they’re able to provide their dates when it comes to formal dances.  My kids want to strike their own poses, add their own props and beleive it’s completely reasonable to call/text back friends “they’re waiting for me to respond” right in the middle of the session.  I should really hire someone to do their photos but my fear is this lack of respect might be accross the board to all photographers (being raised by one they’re slightly tainted as well as critical) and I would D.I.E. if I had to pay AND apoligize for all of that.  I told him…. I WILL KEEP THESE AND SHOW PEOPLE.   So after all of that he is flat out not allowed an opinion that I’m now posting these on the internet… my excuse will be the same as his was during the session… “I’m just keepin it real, YO.”  “YOLO”.    I know what your next question is… “Will you try and photograph their weddings?”    Absolutely. Not.

Now the part where I’m really keeping it real… feel free to stop here so you don’t have endure the blubbering….

We’ve been through the senior year and our oldest is starting his 3rd year of college.  This road is not easy to navigate.  It’s difficult to see my kids grow up as I desperately miss the little people that once filled my arms.  I miss being told I’m the “best Mom ever”, I miss the hand drawn pictures, art projects from elementary school. and hand made Mother’s Day cards.   Forget the “What to Expect the toddler years” Someone needs to come out with “What to expect the teenage/college years”….. so we can all know what’s normal and be able to step away from the suit of anxiety disguised as perfection that we step into each morning.  I’m pretty open to some of the struggles I have and when I share I often hear from others that they are “going through the same thing”…”Well we had to deal with …….” and the “He/she is giving us a hard time about _____(you fill in the blank)_____”.    Then there’s the comparison game. We have kids trying to keep up with each other and sometimes parents trying to keep up with the other parents (JUST.STOP.).  Please  skip me on the deal when that hand comes around.  I already feel enough pressure and sometimes “judged” by other parents because my kids have to go to the dreaded….. Community college.  All I know is that if your kid hasn’t nailed down a career choice there is nothing wrong with this, in fact it’s been an incredibly wise decision.  My husband started out at community college and he’s brilliant, educated and employed.  That’s all I have to say about that.

At this moment I don’t feel like I’m done parenting them…. I still do their laundry, prepare their meals, pack lunches, schedule appointments for the Dr. and Dentist. I text to know where they are and wonder when they’ll be home. I advise and lecture whether they want it or not and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop that. I’m still holding on but at the same time trying to let go.  It’s the realization that even though I’m still caring for them  I’ve always been preparing them to care for themselves. So I ask questions and settle for short answers, I offer advice and keep silent when I could say “I told ya so.”, I remind… again and again….and when they forget I have to realize the consequence does not belong to me. Choices have to be made; lessons have to be learned.  It’s when you still want to do anything/everything  you can for them but the realization that they have minds of their own and the decisions they make do not determine your personal success or failure (this is the hardest part for me). Senior year is the beginning of the end.  We’re heading toward that crossroad where their life with me separates to the beginning of life on their own.   I really feel like it was just yesterday I held your fingers as you toddled through our living room, and wasn’t it just the other night when you woke me up four times because you were sick and “needed me”…. and how many hours did I rock you in that chair sitting right there  reading to you, cuddling you, holding you?  Growing up is a wonderful and liberating thing when it’s happening to you, but sad for the Momma in your rearview mirror who has loved you every day of your life.

To Make you Feel My Love….

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I will never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I’d go hungry; I’d go blind for you,
And I’d go crawling down the avenue.
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.

Stepping out of my box last night  I decided to try and photograph the Camelopardalids Meteor shower.  This was about 11:45pm  and as you can see I have 2 little trails/tails  (not the HUNDREDS I was hoping for).   I set my alarm and got back up at 2, nothing more was happening and my husband got up at 3, still nothing.  I’m not sure if this was it or if we missed it?  If they were so slow that you couldn’t visibly see them??  I shot this with a 24 second exposure and I didn’t t see them until I viewed the image in camera. For me a  fun little discovery to say the least & I’ll take it.  It might not be the most impressive thing you’ve ever seen, but was a fun thing to try.  It brings me to this scripture. … “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14” .  Like these little comets/meteors (forgive me, I’m NOT an astronomer) how many moments do we miss when we are not completely focused? Things that we let go of or  get by us due to lack of time. We’re missing some big stuff people!!  Life is a vapor.  Can we be courageous, love deeply, forgive (again & again), seek joy, be content, cease striving and just relax once in a while? Don’t miss the vapor.

I shift the items from one bag to the next depending on where I’m going. I pack and unpack.  I can’t seem to put any one of the bags away especially during the summer, from day to day I will either need one or I’ll want something that’s in another. Just looking at them stresses me out. They represent where I’ve been and (based on the fact that they’re all out) the uncertainty of where I’m going next.. They vary in age, shape, size and I use each for different purposes.  I need them all.

No one seems to notice the bags or their contents except me.  Other than my friend who assists me at weddings will have to fetch something out of one for me, I don’t think anyone has ever really taken a look inside of them. The bags contain bits and pieces of this 13 year journey.  If you dug through the pockets you’ll discover cords that I haven’t used in many years, expired batteries and perhaps (probably) a roll of film (or two)..  You’ll find photos,  birth announcments, wedding programs, probably some bubbles, lipgloss, pain reliever and of course the essentials cameras and lenses and all the other things I used day to day.   The majority of things in the bags are necessary but there are a few of those things I just can’t seem to unpack.  I feel like if something ever happened to me it would be sort of like a treasure hunt to anyone who might be interested in them!  Afterall I’ve taken one or another just about everywhere and there  is so much to be discovered. And yet it might be more likely that the bags and their contents could just be quickly discarded, rendered useless and unimportant to anyone besides me.

The bags can be demanding and heavy.  They don’t drag themselves along, they require me to carry them or pull them.  I’m thankful for all that they hold and when we walk out the door every day; they are packed and organized, but when we come back the gear has shifted, some bags have more than they should and physically I’m exhausted, picking them up at the end of the day borders on oppression…..sometimes resentment. I wish I didn’t have to always be the one carrying these bags.

I occassionally will sit and look through the pockets to see what I’ve tucked away.  Each little item brings back a memory and a realization that I’ve had a lot of really good days with these bags.  I rarely remove an item from the bag for fear that I’ll lose the memory that goes along with it….The items are few (this is not Hoarding) but each is significant.  I’m grateful to have had a hobby that turned into a way to make some money on the side which then evolved into a flourishing full blown business. A lot of sacrifices have had to be made along the road, most of them are worth it, some I’m just not so sure about.

I’ve talked to a couple other photographers asking them the question “Are you lonely in your job?” and they all respond with a resounding but somewhat defeated “Yes.”  From a distance being a photographer seems exciting – working with (mostly) smiling and happy families, posing babies and brides, beautiful events, beautiful people and the thrill of cashing a check at the end of it. But zoom in a little  and there is a lonlieness in owning your own business, being the sole employee of a company.   I’m the receptionist, the accountant, the owner and the photographer.  There’s no morning office bantor, no co-worker to chat with, you are a one man show.  I think people take that for granted. I often envy  people who say that they’re doing this or that with co-workers – it’s like you have this team of people who you know are on your side, not wanting anything from you except for you to pull your share of the weight in order for the entire team to be successful.   People who you can relate to, bounce ideas off of and are committed to your success…something I deeply desire but don’t have.

Knowing other photographers (there are A LOT of them out there) and being able to have someone  to relate to does make it easier, but there are some things you just don’s share with them  or anyone.  It’s business and it needs to be dealt with and you are alone are responsible for it’s success or demise.  I come and I go, I work, and return calls and email.  I shoot, have meetings, deliver items, and spend face to face time with  all sorts of really wonderful people.  But most of the people I’m with, the celebrations I attend, babies I hold are done with a camera hanging off of my shoulder.  There is this feeling that life is passing me by.  Sometimes I feel more invested in my clients lives and all their special moments than my own.

Someone recently said to me – “You’re so lucky to be able to pick and choose your own hours – the flexible schedule must be a dream!”   And I just shrug it off…. the reality is that I’ve missed a lot of parties or celebrations for my own family and friends  because I’m working at someone elses celebration.  The older I get the harder this is to swallow.  You see I work the desk job part of this all day and evenings and weekends are for shooting.  Sounds amazing, huh?.   This doesn’t allow for much of a social life but occasssionally I get invited to an event in hopes that I’ll bring a camera and take “just a few” photos.  Usually if my camera is included or suggested on an  invite I’ll probably decline the invitation all together. What’s better than an invitation to work?  I take more photos of my kids/life with my iPhone than anything else. Truth.

I write every blog post for my family hoping that they’ll one day visit this corner of my life.  That they will see the beauty in the work, in the words(even if there are imperfections), in life, in love and in choices.  I know that they see, step over and around the bags, the bags are part of their everyday life as well. They are aware that they’re there.  They don’t recognize the value of the bags;  the amazing places they’ve been, the incredible moments they’ve been a part of.  They will hear me tell bits and peices of stories of this or that but never really understanding and sometimes not even interested.

I realize that this is a very candid post.  A part of me actually believes that no one will ever even read it and yet I take the risk to put it out there. The bags very much represent ME!!  I’m  not always in the right spot at the right time, I’m  sometimes disorganized, and tucked away inside are things that need to be dealt with or just let go of.  Like the bags I carry my share of the load  (more often that not, overloaded) and I do what I’m supposed to do (maintain the house, the kids schedule, banking, bills, laundry, shopping, keep yourself looking good….oh an run a business). The bags are dark on purpose to hide any dirt or imperfections,  no one has to even know what they’ve been in and on or through. They’re cushioned and provide protection for what’s inside of them.  They’re often closed, so that no one can even see what’s inside if they wanted to, opened only for a very select few.  But the bags are highly valueable  and should be appreciated!!! My hope is that at some point my family  would desire to peer inside and could learn that the bags were about so much more than the paycheck they often held at the end of the day.

Steve rose to parenthood possibly better than I did.  I have always had preconceived notions or expectations of what being a mother would be like.  Steve had NO IDEA what to expect so he just rolled with it as most men probably do and it’s what might make men better parents.  I didn’t expect colic to come when Spencer was a baby.  Steve (like most guys) figured, if we’re going to have a baby in the house it’s probably going to be crying (A LOT). He rolled with it.  I didn’t expect my kids to get hurt or sick.  Steve did.  I didn’t think my kids would be naughty or need discipline, Steve did.

Being a Dad is different, and I’m so thankful for that.  At every age he has put himself at their level and made their interests his own.  Over the years he has been able to carefully keep one eye on the child and at all times knew exactly where their coveted blankie was.  He could find a loose piece of an action figure & know exactly which one it belonged too.  Chick flicks, High School musical or Hannah Montana don’t bother him.. (Toddler’s and Tiara’s might though).  He loves sports and introduced our youngest sports enthusiast to football pools at an early age, gambling at 10 is acceptable, right?  He has a love for music that has been contagious and we have an iTunes library that could rival the best of  them.  He knows how to fix just about anything & our kids know it.  He’s also not afraid to say “I don’t know”…and then search for the answer…. Heellooooo Google! He plays with them, hugs them, wrestles with them, laughs with them, encourages them , disciplines them & loves them.

So thank you, Steve,  for being the kind of Dad who’s willing to go  the distance for us, not out of obligation but out of love. Thanks for having a great sense of humor. …For carrying pictures of them in your wallet where your money used to be. … For taking us on vacations you can’t afford to make memories they can’t afford to live without…. For all of the examinations, advise & counseling….. For being real smart in math (because I am NOT)….. For reminding them that you’re stronger than them (mentally & physically)….For appreciating hard rock….. For having a “Chick songs” playlist on your iPod….For getting up in the middle of the night with our nocturnal dog….For loving Youtube videos…..For not being as scared as I am to ride in the passenger seat when our kids are driving….For allowing me to say “just wait ’til I tell you Dad”….For being flexible and able to roll through the changes that life brings….& most of all for loving their Mom.

Here are a handful of photos of this man that has been a blessing in my life in more ways than I can ever count…..  Happy Father’s Day, Steve.  I love you, babe.

My niece Ava is 5 years old, funny, sweet and just did the most thoughtful thing.  She recently saw a show highlighting Locks of Love ,an organization that makes wigs out of real, donated hair, for children/teens who have lost their hair, and Ava boldly realized that she need to donate her hair.  Her hair went clear to her waste!  When I saw her with this cute little bob, a result of of her selflessness, I was so glad that I just happened to have my camera in the car.   Women don’t easily part with their hair but Ava put someone else’s needs and comfort ahead of her own.  Way to go girl, you’re more beautiful than ever, I love you and I’m so proud of you for the blessing that you most certainly are.

P.S.  My Jenna and my nephew Josiah couldn’t wait for an opportunity to have a photo with Ava, and how could I not put in a photo of Connor and Josiah at the hoop?  

I’ve been to this Island several times since I was in high school.  This was the 8th year in a row that Steve and I were able to bring our family.  I absolutely love it there and as soon as I arrive I usually announce that I’m never going home.  I enjoy the sunrise and the sunset every day, walking on the beach, lounging, reading, eating, collecting shells, watching my kids feed the birds.    We are tourists only in the sense that we are away from home, but we literally just live at the beach.  We truly consider it our home away from home as the same families usually roll in about the same time and we spend our week together catching up on what’s happened since last year.   Cooking (we only ate out once!) & laundry are the main chores and our only concern from day to day is whether or not we have on enough sunscreen.  We almost didn’t go this year….the typical excuse…”we should stay home, save the money…”.   But things changed, we felt the urge to go at the last minute and our usual spot just happened to still be available.  It was meant to be. I only have a few dozen images which is always shocking to people but I have to remind them that although I love taking pictures it is vacation and pulling out my camera isn’t usually at the top of my to-do list everyday.  But it is something that I have to be consciously aware of because I know that my kids treasure the memories  so here are a few of my fav’s from this year.  It was a shorter trip than we normally take but we are thankful all the same.  The weather was gorgeous, beautiful sunrises and sunset,  gentle gulf breezes, watching the dolphins in the gulf,  and seeing the sky lit up with stars at night. While I was there I was reminded of a quote I read years ago “My father took us on vacations he couldn’t afford to make memories we couldn’t afford to live without”. Our trip wasn’t anything fancy, there was no trip to Disney or an amusement park, I lived in a single pair of flip-flops for the entire trip, riding in a mini-van with 4 kids to Florida & back is not even close to glamourous……But for me it’s enough. I’m just so thankful to be able to unplug from “life” and savor the time with my incredible husband and our growing family. I’m so blessed.